Dear Ms. Deborah,
I have a wonderful, brilliant daughter but there is one thing that drives me nuts; chasing boys. How do I stress to her not to chase boys? I keep telling her that courting is an art form that is lost among boys or men today. Her response is that I am old school and times have changed.
Deeply Frustrated,
A Devoted Mom
Dear Devoted Mom,
Although I don’t have a girl, I do feel your frustration. As a mother of a son, I would try so hard to teach him how to court a girl and he would look at me like I had three heads. He would say all the time that it sounds like too much work. For example, opening a door or car door didn’t even come close to happening. Mind you, he did it for me but he would say that girls don’t want it and of course, he gave up. On one particular date, he described how he would get to the girl’s front door of her home, she would run pass him to get to the car, hop in and say, “Let’s go!”
Today’s dating trends are so hard to understand but teaching your daughter that she is much more important than what the world is throwing at her as a standard for the moment. With that said, here are a few ways to throw in a conversation about dating and how it includes her.
Chase your dreams; Never boys
Girls are so much more mature than boys anyways. Reminding your daughter that boys are great companions but never needed to make her life great. It is important for her to find herself first, accomplish all those goals, explore and travel the world and then when ready, open her heart to find that perfect match. Every daughter must understand that they are a great catch and when it comes to the matters of their heart, patience is a virtue.
Capture their heart; Not their attention
When girls chase boys, they don’t work as hard to talk, write special notes or coordinate those amazing dates. I am not saying that girls shouldn’t socialize or start a conversation with a boy, but there is nothing wrong with setting a standard of how they are going to develop a friendship that just might lead to something greater and long lasting. Dating is a way of building a friendship. Friendship leads to romance and then to a long, lasting marriage.
Communication; Not Texting
Texting is the new form of communicating and dating. I have seen many couples out on a date that are continually on their phones texting friends and to each other! Although texting is a tool for quick and easy conversation and checking in, it does not replace face to face conversation. Texting is not meant to workout arguments or make life decisions with each other. Your daughter should understand that dating includes conversations and life experiences.
I hope my thoughts on dating helps you. Please feel free to reconnect with any updates. I would love to hear from you.